June 10, 2018

There is so much going on.  I find my heart getting heavier and heavier with the struggles of the sweet sisters in Christ that I share my life with.  Satan is attacking women and trying to keep them bound by a lack of understanding of being known and loved.  Gary and I talk a lot about the legacy that we choose to leave to our children and grandchildren.  I have heard that the decisions we make today can impact three generations forward.  I have seen the legacy of friends and family that have not had the courage to make a change towards freedom in Christ and instead live bound by the fears that keep them away from God’s plan and blessing in their lives.  I know there is a freedom in Christ that will manifest itself in my soul and spirit if I will allow it.  My journey to connect the dots of knowing intellectually who God is and that He loves me, and me feeling it in the depth of my soul that I am known and loved often escapes me.  I am aware of the trip through the desert that I have been traveling for years while avoiding the pain of the realization that I am missing out on God’s best because I am bound by my own humanity.  I want to experience the euphoria of being known by God and feeling complete in my soul. I want to pass that “state of living” to my children and to the generations that come in the future.  I want to know it in my soul and not live in a state of finding things to distract me from the root of my vulnerability. I have spent so many years stuffing my feelings with food, attention, shopping, striving for recognition, and using outside sources like wine and work to get me through the lonely moments of silence that I seem to want to avoid.

I would rather lean into the emptiness and am willing to travel through it to see the blessing of knowing who I am in Christ and live in the fullness that He promises in His word.  I desperately want the union with God in my soul, not just being satisfied in my security in my salvation.  I am sure it will cost me something.  I am sure it will cost me many things.  I would hate to look back over my life and realize I missed the tenderness of knowing and being known by God and consumed with His glory and His purpose because I was too lazy to put in the work.  

What does that look like?  I don’t know. Work in the spiritual realm is driven and fostered by God.  In the workplace – it is tangible.  If you do well, you get increased responsibility and money and you are able to measure your career in tangible steps.  My children grow up every day.  I see them and hold them and don’t always see the tangible growth until the jeans are too short and the shoe size changes.  But mostly, it is the periodic growth chart on the laundry room door with dates and names as the inches creep up over the year.  I find times where their growth takes my breath away.  I love knowing my children and seeing their strength and weaknesses.  I love that their future is unknown but the possibilities are endless.  I can’t wait to see the fruit of the time spent raising them with a godly man who loves them and invests in them and embraces the responsibility.  How much more could we be loved and raised by a God with unlimited wisdom and undefined resources who knows our strengths and weaknesses and is willing to bring us into His purpose and in His fullness for our life.  I want that!

I am learning to pursue God.  Not just reading scripture and talking about my faith, but truly pursuing Him to get to know Him as you would with someone you love.  When Gary and I started dating, we could not wait to spend time together.  We focused on each other’s good qualities and overlooked the challenging ones.  I guess we chose not to focus on the areas we deemed were not as important as others.  We talked about our hopes and dreams and what we wanted the rest of our lives to look like.  We fell in love.  After we got married, the pursuit slows and the living in the here and now takes over. Learning each other’s pet peeves or weaknesses was a little disheartening.  God does not wain in His pursuit of His children.  He doesn’t decide that he knows us and keeps life at status quo.  Gary and I work to pursue the Lord.  We pray over our family, we strive to be godly examples to our children, we love and discipline our kids.  But we constantly pursue our kids and our marriage together because we do change.  Sometimes it feels like too much effort, but I must confirm that the pursuit deepens the understanding and opens doors for an increasing intimacy and friendship.  It elevates our relationship and makes the “dance” of our lives and love much sweeter.

How will the pursuit of God add to your intimacy with the Lord?  He gives us the Holy Spirit to live in our hearts and direct our hearts and minds towards more intimacy with our creator.  

Psalm 139:14 “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it well.

Luke 12:7 “And the very hairs on your head are all umbered.  So don’t be afraid: you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”

Since God knows me so well and He has chosen me to be His family, I want to know him intimately to understand the depth of His love.  How do you pursue the Lord?  It takes conscious effort.  I spend time in His word.  I pray scripture back to my creator.  I praise His name in prayer.  I have a two-way conversation with the Lord.  God will respond back when we wait long enough to hear his response.  How do we test what we think God is telling us? We measure what we think God wants us to do up to His scripture to see if it is in line with His character. I memorize His word to keep it in my heart.  When we infuse our soul with the wisdom and word of our creator, we learn to walk in His guidance, and we hear God’s whisper into our souls.

I challenge you to pursue the Lord.  I think it is time well spent.  It is not an instantaneous knowledge, but one that endures over time. God weathers each storm with us and never leaves or forsakes us.  He pours his joy over our lives at times that seems so bountiful that I can hardly comprehend. He increases our desire for more knowledge and intimacy with Him.  He continues to pour his love and grace into our lives.  I look for the big miracles and the small reminders that He is in control and that He loves me.

Have you ever met someone who has spent a great deal of time pursuing God? Sometimes you can see it in their countenance.  I think of Moses that came down the mountain after speaking with God in the burning bush and Moses had physically changed.  His time with God had changed him.  God loves you and wants to share an intimate relationship with you!  He will meet you where you are each and every day.

I want others to see that the time I have spent in pursuit of the Lord has had an impact on my disposition and that God’s joy will ooze from my inner being and it will be evident that I know and love my creator.

Dear Lord, please help others to see the inner manifestation of you in my heart and life.  Please change me from the inside out.  Please use your scripture to mold me and make me into a child that reflects her father. Please help me to live a life that changes how others see me.  I pray that the time I spend with you not only changes my heart but my physical appearance.  Lord, let others know that I am different.  Please give me the grace and desire to pursue you with all of my being.  I love you Lord.

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