Surrender

What secrets do you carry that weighs heavy on your soul each day?  Is there something that has happened that you keep hidden away from others because you don’t want people to know that you did what you did?  Are there thoughts you think that you would be embarrassed if others knew?  What game do you play to keep the “ugly” hidden and hope that your appearance does not seem scared by its very existence?

We all have a little bit of “ugly” hidden under the surface whether you are willing to admit it or not. Maybe it is something you squelch every time it comes to mind.  Push it down deep and hide from the knowing that if revealed, you would be ashamed. Usually, we don’t want to even broach the topic.  These thoughts are the ones that haunt us in our dreams or keep us up at night.  They leave our soul unsettled and we swallow hard to keep them at bay.

I have carried hidden “ugly” before.  I imagine that we all have.  I have tried to keep others in the dark so the judgement of the “ugly” wouldn’t come. Whether it is something that you have done or something that was done to you, the “ugly” leaves an impression in our hearts that, if left in the dark, will bind us up from living freely and without joy.  I am no different than you are, I lived life daily with a sin just under the surface that I wanted to keep hidden from the outside world.  The more I tried to squelch the sin, so nobody knew, the louder and more powerful the sin became.  The game of pretend took over my life and ruled my days.

As time went on, my secrets slipped out.  I would downplay the sin and excuse it away as if it were not a problem.  The more I ignored it, the louder and more obvious it became.  It impacted my relationship with my husband and kids.  It hurt my contribution at work.  It caused me to become more distant with my friends and family.  I did find people who willingly supported my sin, so I aligned myself with others that I did not respect and want to emulate. Why?  I think it was more out of fear of being found out!

Here’s the thing.  The more I hid my “ugly” away, the louder it got and the more desperate I became.  Pretty soon, everyone was aware of my “ugly”.  I pretended I was above it.  Who was I kidding?  No one! Sin lives in the dark and breeds like cock roaches who scurry around in cold dark rooms.  The mere act of hiding and pretending made it worse.

Until one day, someone had the courage to bring it out in the open.  Someone called me out on it in a situation that I could not run and hide from. There it was!  Open for the world to see.  People that I wanted to think of me highly now knew my sin and I could not excuse it away.  A moment of shear panic turned into a moment of redemption and grace.  The thing that I was most afraid of happening became a moment of truth and light.  Wow!  Now what do I do from here?

As a kid growing up, I always found that it was better to come forward with the truth when asked and the punishment was less severe.  So as an adult, I acknowledged my choices and surrendered my heart to the consequences. As I worked through the embarrassment of being found out, people came out of the woodwork to come along side me and share their struggles too.  Things I would have never guessed about those around me became the very thing that gave me comfort and encouragement.

I tell you the truth. Sin always pokes through our lives and is seen by others.  Hiding from your “ugly” only results in more separation from those you love the most and jeopardizes the things you love in life.  Is being wholly known scary to you?  Do you think that others may think less of you or reject you?  A few may think you are a hypocrite, but most will be astonished at your honesty and the “ugly” will draw you closer to the people you were afraid to disappoint.

What do you need to do to surrender your heart and “ugly” so you can live a life of joy? You need to be honest and forthright!  You need to surrender your fear of others knowing your secret and living a life bound in fear.  Come out of the darkness and tell someone you trust what you have been carrying.  Don’t set out to tell the world. Tell someone you love and respect. Start by telling God!  He is the safest and most loving place to start.  He knows what you are hiding anyway.  He has known all along.  He has seen you in your most vulnerable situations.  He knows the cries of your heart. He has seen you jeopardize your relationships and your reputation.  Nothing is worse than hiding in the darkness when you can be fully forgiven and live in light and truth.

The definition of surrender is to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority. Merriam Webster Dictionary defines surrender as this: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand.

What happens when you surrender your truth to Jesus?

Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

God is a safe place to land. Let him carry the burden of what you have been carrying. Tell him what you think you are hiding so he can meet you where you are.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trustin the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

God can fix any mess you are in.  He can repair the broken hearted and heal the wounded.

Isaiah 40:28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.

There is nothing you can tell him that is a mystery to him.  He knows all things and will not tire of you!  God has the power and love to mend a broken heart or life.

Deuteronomy 31:8   The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

You are not alone. Ask God to be with you.  Ask him for forgiveness.  Tell him your “ugly”.  You will not surprise him and your “ugly” will not scare him away.  He wants to be will you and love you and help you move forward.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

God can handle your burdens. In college, someone told me that you should give all your burdens to the Lord and allow him to carry them for you. To a college student, that looked a lot like filling by book backpack with the heaviest books possible and the laying my backpack down at the feet of Christ and walking away.  If my body felt heavy again, I would realize that I chose to pick up the backpack again and carry it for myself.  Surrender is leaving it at the foot of Christ and trusting him to carry it for you.

I hope you know that we all carry something.  No one is immune from troubles that feel too heavy to carry on your own.  Share your burdens with the Lord.  He will love you and help you move past the “ugly”.  Also, reach out to a friend or mentor.  Someone you can trust.  Come clean with your “ugly” and you will find freedom by surrendering.  You will no longer live in the dark.  There is joy in the light!

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