Worst Enemy

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Are you your worst enemy? Do you set impossible standards for yourself? Are you as hard on others as you are on yourself? Are you a “Type A” personality?  Is control the name of the game?  These are several things that come from a mixed bag of tricks.  Are these some of the ideas that you are secretly proud of but outwardly condemn?

I have struggled with these questions for a long time.  I think I spent at least 10 years trying to have self –control when I was younger. Trying to study when I wanted to go out with my friends, trying to get home on time when I wanted to stay out late. Learning to pay my bills first then spend on fun things. Trying to look the part of a professional at the office.  Walking in confidence even though I had nothing to be confident of. Trying to look good and feel good to please others and myself. Going to bed on time so I was prepared for a long day.

As I had more years under my belt, it became easier in somethings and harder in others.  I excelled in my career but did not have work-life balance.  I got better with handling my money.  I paid of debt and built a house. I worked hard to be taken seriously in the workplace. I buckled down to tackle hard tasks until I could master them. All these areas of growth were made possible by learning to control my impulses.  Control my personal life, control my finances sand control my habits.

When I found that the control produced results that were positive in my life, I buckled down to take control in other areas of my life.  There were always one or two things that I could not master.  They became glaring issues.  The biggest issue was after a long and hard day, I would pick up something to eat after work (which was never healthy) and plop down on the couch to watch TV. I spent such long hours at the office that I gave up a social life outside of the people I worked with.  My exercise and fun were diminished all in the name of working harder. I gained weight.  A lot of weight.

As my weight grew in number, my need to control grew in other areas too.  I had to be more diligent in everything I did to be above reproach to cover up for the “sins” of overeating. My hair and nails were perfect. I spent money on clothes to “look the part”. I acted confident even when I didn’t feel confident. Eventually, I had to look at the weight issue.  It became the reason for my lack of progress when I felt like I had plateaued in my career.  My dad was in a high position in Corporate America and told me that if I did not look the part, I would not be considered competent to be promoted and taken seriously.  I am apart of “Gen X.  That was as real as the day was long.

In order to lose weight, my self-control grew. My body changed and my heart did as well. Finally, I had mastered the one thing that kept me back from everything I wanted. As time went on, I met and married my husband, and we had two kids.  The irony is that all the years of working on control to master my life, quickly went out the door with a husband and kids.  I could control myself, but trying to control my husband was not good. It did not produce the same fruits that control had produced in my life.  If I couldn’t control my husband – there was no way to control a baby.  Ugh!  My frustration grew.  Suddenly, the life I had built on control unraveled.

I tell you all of this to say what is good for a period of time in your life does not necessarily produce great results as life changes.  I had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes things happen that we cannot control.  If we are programmed to control and that control is taken from us, what kind of person are you when you can’t master any given situation.  I would look in the mirror and not like who I had become. The world admires the results but hates the demanding, pushy women that produced them. I think I became my worst enemy. In my 40’s, I had to learn to operate on a different frequency. The idea of looking the part and having it all together quickly slipped through my hands as it would if it were sand. Time to evolve.

If the results of your life are built by demanding others fall in line with the program that you have set, the success will be fleeting. Others cannot live up to an internal demand in a control freak that makes everyone miserable. Controlling those around you does not produce joy. It may produce temporary satisfaction in your circumstances but the damage it does to your relationships and how others feel about you, is enormous.

The bible does not tell us to control others.  The bible teaches us to relinquish our control to a God who loves us and has good things in store for his children. Itis only through the process of surrendering our hearts to Jesus and relinquishing control do we find relief and joy.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control: against such things there is no law.

Proverbs 29:11   A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quickly holds it back.

James 1:9   Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

In my desire to find joy, I had to relinquish my control. I challenge you to look at your need to control others and see the damage it can do in the lives around you. I know it did not produce a fun loving and easily likeable person in my household.  My need to control killed the joy in my heart and weakened my influence on others.  

Lord,

I ask that you continue to help me battle the desire to control in my spirit. The world looks at control as a powerful and seductive quality, but you look at it as sin. I pray that you help me to identify areas in my mind and heart that I need to surrender to you.  Please change my spirit to be kind and full of joy and peace so others will know that I belong to you. May my words be used to edify others and not tear them down. Please help me to honor you in my speech and may my words be safe and my heart be tender.  I pray that I surrender my desire to control and lay it down so that it may be replaced with uplifting words to encourage others.  I love you, Lord.

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