What if?

Have you ever had a moment that you can recall that God spoke to you about something that is possible for your future?  Whether just a fleeting thought or something that keeps coming back to your mind over and over again until you ponder the possibility.  Has someone ever asked you “What would you want to do with your life if money was not an option?”  Is there something that seems like an ideal situation if only?

When I was in high school back in Colorado Springs in the early 1980’s, my mother and I went to a Mother-Daughter luncheon at Glen Erie Castle.  Glen Erie is a castle that is tucked away in the foothills of Colorado Springs.  The castle is owned by a group called The Navigators.  They are committed to training people to share their faith and help to teach folks to grow in their relationship with Jesus.  The luncheon was a special trip to the castle.  The grounds around the castle are beautiful! There are rock formations throughout and thick, beautiful mountain views everywhere you turn.

We had several women speakers throughout the day. I don’t remember the topics they spoke on.  I was watching one woman speak to the audience and I was riveted by her grace and ability to communicate.  She was talking about her relationship with the Lord as she walked back and forth in front of the room.  I do remember the inner voice inside my head that said. “I want to do this someday.”  The day at the castle included lunch on the patio with the surrounding landscape and the day was magical.

Several years later, I went to college and discovered that I had a love for written words on a page and the challenge to tell stories.  I got a BA in Journalism.  That was back in the day when people actually read the newspaper!  After graduation, my mom begged me to get a job where I could write. I never found that perfect job that allowed me to write for the fun of telling stories.  Eventually, I settled down in a career managing shopping centers.

As time has a way of passing and life happens in between the lines of a story, I was married with 2 children in my mid-forties when my mom passed away suddenly.  She was my best friend, and I was inspired by the way she lived her life.  She had decided in her sixties that she wanted to get into a study of the bible that was more in depth than anything she could find.  So, she completed her bible degree through Liberty University via mail.  They sent her the course work and she studied.  Then, someone would proctor hertests and she would send them in.  Shegraduated from Liberty and hung her diploma on the wall in the office in her home.  My mom wanted to know God moreintimately.  She wanted to know his wordand implant it in her heart. She was an amazing example to me.

As I worked through my grief and realized that my 2 young children would not get a chance to know my mom, I search desperately for something to connect them to her. I realized that the only way my kids would know my mom is through me.  I could make her alive to them. So, I started the process of searching my soul to connect my life with hers.  After a couple of gut-wrenching years, I was on my knees when the Lord whispered into my heart to learn the way she learned so I could teach my children.

I began taking classes at Liberty University through their online Biblical Studies program.  I completed several courses and then life got in the way.  My husband and I became care givers to 4aging parents and 2 growing kids.   I fully intend to complete that program someday. Again, the whisper in my soul continued to be clear.  I want to write and speak to women someday.

Here I am today with a burning desire to speak to women.  With technology and a heart full of obedience, I started a blog.  I don’t know if I will ever fulfill the dream that I had in high school at Glen Erie, but I know that ignoring God’s whisper is not an option.  The thought that runs through my mind is what if?  What if I am obedient to the inner voice and whisper?  What do I hope that looks like?  I have no idea.  What if I ignore that inner whisper?  What if I never take a chance to be obedient?  I don’t want to miss out on knowing God more intimately and being used by him.  I can’t let fear get in the way of what I have heard in my heart.  So, here I am Lord.  I will do what you tell me to do, and I will write what you tell me to write. I don’t want to wonder if you could use me.  Lord, please use me in any way you see fit.  I don’t know if anyone will see my blog and I don’t know if it will make a difference, but here it is.  If you found this blog by some miracle, know that I am living a life surrender to God and want to be used by him.

Lord, thank you that we don’t know what you have in store for us.  Thank you, God, that you have a plan and purpose for our lives.  Thankyou Lord that my mom loved you and was obedient to you.  I pray Lord that you would increase the burning desire in my heart to honor you in all that I do.

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